The repeated ad nauseum concept at the nucleus of the franchise is disconcerting from the off. What parenting paragon wouldn?t opt to cast their prepubescent child from their home, in a manner befitting a leper with chronic flatulence? I?ll concede, an eccentric elderly lunatic with a ghastly beard endows the youth with a piteous daffodil on legs in lieu of any actual preparation for the impending travails, but this will scarcely bolster their survival prospects. Bulbasaur, after all, has been known to be trumped by those diminutive, as physically imposing as a toenail clipping rat things that ceaselessly patrol the long grass, in search of hapless humans to irritate.
Further, said youth has elected to partake in Pok?mon training, indubitably the most hazardous and belligerent pursuit since lion taming. (In Lady Gaga?s infamous meat-based apparel.) Said wild beasts exist quite innocuously, licking their undercarriage and performing the myriad of other tasks that comprise animal?s lives. A small child, with his cap backwards in that ubiquitous imitation of coolness, dispenses a savage beating from a larger beast, before proceeding to ensconce the poor bugger in a tiny cramp-tastic sphere of inexorable slavery (later renamed pok?ball). Failure in this enterprise results in the target fainting, whereupon it is presumably devoured by wolves as darkness encroaches. The animal cruelty issues at hand are exacerbated by the barbarism of the fights themselves. I?d venture that any fox made of ACTUAL FIRE would be adversely affected by having a great torrent of water propelled at its face at high-velocity. Do the slave owners show a compassionate deference to this fact? Contrariwise, their exact words are often, ?STARMIE, USE SURF! DROWN THAT THING! RAVAGE IT REAL GOOD! THAT?S SUPER EFFECTIVE, PITEOUS FOX-THING!?
Or something to that effect.
Image created by IzzyRedDragon
Beyond this, every such trainer seems to display a remarkable penchant for such violence. Lurking motionless in a dank cavern, festooned with the odorous droppings of those infernal, infuriating Zubats, on the scant off-chance that somebody will pass, requires the utmost dedication. (I presume that?s all he?s doing down there, alone in the tenebrous depths. It?s best not to dwell on potential deviant proclivities.) If somebody so much as eyes your pok?-balls (no euphemistic humour intended) from a mile away, they will demand to punch your motley menagerie of odd lifeforms in the face with their own motley menagerie of odd lifeforms.
We can safely conclude that such a career choice is pertinent only for ex-convicts with a proclivity for sadism. Parents, perhaps, would be better served by expounding upon the virtues of more noble, benevolent pursuits.
?But Jimmy, don?t you want to be a lawyer like your father??
?Nuts to that, mum! I?d rather ensnare a 1000lb bear in a plastic ball as large as an eye, thereafter utilizing it to eviscerate the groins of the neighbour?s pets.?
Header Image Source: www.thegamingvault.com
Source: http://www.gamingsurvival.com/2012/09/09/the-best-bizarre-video-game-concepts-pokemon/
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